Glee: The Best Day of Glee's Life
by Talos Angel
Summary: In a dark and unpromising future, Burt will relish in the slaughter of his foes! Chapter Three has been uploaded, where Burt must confront an old friend turned traitor.
1. Chapter 1: The Wasteland

A. NOTES: On the advice of a certain "MonkeyGirlNaNoDa," I am breaking this one up into several chapters so you can take a break or something. Thank you for reviewing, mister and/or miss MonkeyGirlNaNoDa, for your review has helped to increase the quality of my works. Reviews help people improve, so that's good!

GLEE: THE BEST DAY OF GLEE'S LIFE

CHAPTER ON: THE WASTELAND

-Burt woke up from a pleasant sleep; unusual, considering the situation he was in. It was the year 4412 A.D, and dinosaurs took over the earth, using mankind's own nuclear weapons to kill off all of their farms, so nobody could eat. This plan, however, backfired, causing all of the dinosaurs to starve to death because there were no pants for them to eat. Now the world was a wasteland, exactly as Glee had envisioned it; motorcycle gangs and barbarians slaughtering off the defenseless remnants of the pre-dino world, while trying to find suitable farmland.

"Good morning, boss!" A gruff voice called from the other side of a tattered curtain.

-It was Finn, and my oh my was he nothing like what he was back in high school; his hair was replaced with a crimson red Mohawk, stained by his countless battles with countless enemies. He wore a leather jacket, and some torn-up jeans, as well as some boots, his eye patch and scraggily goa-tee bringing out his savage nature.

"Good morning, Slim...or was it Jim?" Burt replied in his cheerful manner (Remembering people's names was not something Glee was really good at anymore.)

"It's FINN," Finn replied in an exasperated tone, "And our enemies are coming to attempt to fight us again!"

-"Ah! the enemy!" Burt sighed, "I suppose they're bringing better weapons, this time?" "Yeah," Finn spat at the ground, "Our enemies are going to use fast metal horses, and metal sticks that make loud noises and blood appear!" Burt rolled his eyes, "Get the warriors together, we'll deal with these chickenshits before the sun reaches midsky!"

-It was a bright, sunny day in Glee Land, as it always is, because there has been no rain ever since the nuclear disaster screwed up the weather, causing places like Glee Land to look like the Mojave Desert. The sun poured heat and radiation onto Burt and Flinn's already hideously mutated flesh as they went to assemble the barbarian warriors. Burt chuckled as he thought fondly back to the days of the disaster...


	2. Chapter 2: The Disaster!

CHAPTER TWO: THE DISASTER!

-It all happened back in the year 3657 A.D; roughly five hundred years after the Earth had been freed from the evil forces of Gilfred Von Baggins and his unholy metahuman army, allowing the human population to procreate and rebuild all of the cities and ecosystems that the oppressive regime had devastated. It was in modern day Virginia, now declared "The Soveign Nation of Glee Land," that the gang from the show currently resided in.

-Burt remembered what the day was like; Finn was there, oddly enough. So was Rachel, and...some other guy, who's name sounded like a subject in school...was it Mathy? No...that's not right...Chemistry-y? Can't be...oh well. Anyway, it was lunch break, about one hour before Biology...or was it Art?

"Are you worried about the dinosaurs, at all?" Rachel asked the others with a hint of concern. "Nah," Burt recalled replying, "I don't think they have the guts to actually launch the damn things."

Boy were they wrong.

-Nobody knows how it happened, or remembers exactly when it happens, but one thing was certain in the town of Neo Philadelphia, on the day of June 5, 3657...The dinosaurs, for whatever reason, began to drop the nukes all over the planet.

-As the large flash outside instantly fried anyone outside, and blinded nearly everyone looking outside, the alarms began to ring like sledgehammers striking anvils one billion times. "ALERT! AL:ERT!" the announcer screamed urgently over the intercom phone, "OUR ASSES ARE GETTING NUKED!" Another blinding flash, and thunderous boom occurred outside, leaving a city-sized mushroom cloud on the horizon, embellishing the sight of the space dinosaurs' bright silver, blue-light covered warships preparing to fire another gigaton nuke straight at the school.

"OH FUCK!" The subject-named boy yelled, "WE GOTTA GET TOM THE SHELTER!" "What if the shelter is already full?" Rachel asked in a panicked voice. "It's our only chance!" Flinn screamed in response.

Burt could swear he said something, but whatever it was, he forgot about it, so it must not be important.

-As they rushed to the shelter, they could see that it was already packed with some students, but something seemed odd about this particular shelter; nobody else was rushing into it. As the few members of Glee pushed into the tightly squeezed chamber, Burt realized something. The lack of a food source, the one red couch in the corner..."This is a FAKE shelter, designed to keep the REAL one less crowded!" Everybody began to panic, but it was too late.

All nuclear hell unleashed itself upon the school of Gleevale High.

-As the entire shelter lit up an incandescent white, a massive crashing BOOM ripped around the room, looking like it came from nowhere, but sounding like it came from everywhere. The heat of the blast right above the ceiling made the shelter feel like a microwave; some people even caught on fire! There were no ginger counters in the room, but Burt remembers hearing a lot of ticking, as if there was popcorn going off in the room (although he was deaf by now, so it had to have been his imagination.) Burt yelled a silent yell, as it felt like every cell in his body was being raped the fuck to shreds, as if every single one of his chromosomes was being penetrated and torn to shreds by the peni peni of a million deranged, inbred supermutant werewolf yukkuris, as his flesh began to feel horribly sun burnt, and he saw smoke arise from himself.

"RADIATION!" This was the only thing Burt could think of as the students around him were dropping dead from the very thing.

By the time it was all over, everything was silent. Not because Burt was deaf, but because almost everyone in the room was dead.

-Rachel, Finn, and Burt were the only survivors from that room, and most of the early days after the nuclear attack were spent hungrily looking for food and water, and eating incinerated flesh when they couldn't find any.

Burt felt like a true beast in those days.

And he loved it.


	3. Chapter 3: The Battle!

CHAPTER THREE: THE BATTLE!

-Burt sighed; Rachel, Finn, and himself eventually had founded this village, where many others born after the apocalypse would gather. Although they were technically one big "family," Burt really only felt close to Finn and Rachel, them having been there for him since the disaster. Subject-ey...or whatever his name was, was there for a hundred years or so, but then he left, never to be seen again.

But the three of them, with all of their warriors, now had a fight on their hands, so this wasn't a really good time to reflect on the past.

-"Warriors, ASSEMBLE!" Burt shouted with an unusual ammount of strength in his tome of voice. Pretty much everyone in the village assembled at the assembly area in the village, as Burt delivered his pre-battle speech to them. "These people have metal rods that cause you to bleed, and they have metal horses as well." Burt overlooked his warriors, "We have something stronger; ourselves! Boys and Girls, there is no weapon in this world deadlier than you all with your blades!" The entire tribe cheered as they strode off to the combat grounds.

-The mutant tribesmen and the motorcycle gangsters faced each other on opposite sides of the ancient asphalt divide that used to be a road; Burt could easily spot their leader from his huge ammount of tatoos and body piercings. Burt immediately recognized this man..."Hello, Spanish-ey! long time no see!" The man looked disgruntled, "For the last time, it's ARTIE! my name is ARTIE!" Burt sighed at his inability to remember anyone's name. "I'm going to make my stake in this world, Kurt," Artie explained, "And the only way to get it is through blood!"

"Let's have a gentlemanly fight, then, ol' chap!" Burt shouted barbarically, drawing out his Lamdakiller and Rectum Ripper blades as he and his warriors charged onto the enemy motorcycles.

-Finn used his mighty drill fist to immediately boar a hole through one unlucky gangster, causing his ribcage to spin right round as a mixture between fine, crimson gore and shredded organs flew forth from both holes, causing the man to scream in sheer anguish, penetrating the thin-atmosphered skies and startling all of the crows with the ear-piercing screech. Rachel used her amputator saw to slice off the heads of several incoming gangsters, and she chuckled merrily to herself at the beauty and simplicity of five dirty, piercing-covered heads sailing through the air with a trail of red liquid propelling them. It reminded her of when she used to watch the cardinals fly around the high school campus.

-Burt and Artie, on the other hand, were thoroughly engaged in a fierce battle! Artie revved up his Flame Fornicator, while Burt rubbed the Rectum Ripper and Lamdakiller against each other the way a goblin sharpens a pickaxe, preparing to taste the flesh of Burt's old friend turned combat enemy. The two charged straight at each other, emitting a calm and gentle scream of pure, unrestrained primal raging rage, and then CRASH! Artie's Flame Fornicator's blazing white hot tip pierced the tough, leathery tissue of Burt's flesh, almost impaling all the way through, filling Burt with a boiling, heartburn-like sensation (except it was worse than heartburn.)

Burt gave a hearty laugh, "Something like that may have killed me before the bombs dropped, but the mutation made me STRONGER!"

Artie's eyes grew wide as Burt brought his Rectum Ripper and Lamdakiller crashing on top of Artie's skull, ripping it the fuck in half.

Artie's skull halves then regenerated into two heads, "The bombs made ME stronger as well, my friend!"


End file.
